Dear Jaden. I love you and I am sorry.

Happy New Year everyone, I hope you are all well, I hope you have all adjusted to our new way of living (a blog for another day) what I can say is, let’s thank God we have made it this far…. always thankful and grateful for that.

You will not believe me when I tell you that my boy is 5 years old now! Yup…. he is the reason I started this blog on the first place, to let you in on my life and how it is with everything I am going through. I’m not always consistent with it but HEY! That’s life and I have things going on that sometimes I forget to blog about.

As I said, my baby (not so baby) turned 5 years old! I have been a mother for five whole years! I can’t believe it. Where did time the time fly? Where did it go… Jaden is so intelligent, caring, such a unique individual, kind and just the most amazing big brother to his younger sister. I know I have touched on these things before but honestly, I see the growth and changes in him. My boy is five!!!!!!! It’s such an honor being his mother and I’m so blessed to have him has one of the loves of my life.

We threw him a water theme birthday party, his favorite. He wanted a dinosaur cake, more specifically a Godzilla cake. I absolutely organized that and shout out to the cake maker (Cake My Day) who did a wonderful job pulling it off… I was worried but she’s great. His friends were there, his dad, his sister and auntie and uncle‘s… I heard it was a wonderful day!

Yep, I heard it was a wonderful day…

I wasn’t there, I was in America. I had to work and I was absolutely devastated and quite frankly I still am. These moments mean the world to me and I don’t like missing anything that has something to do with my children especially when it’s significant. It was an awful day for me at work I was crying and I was emotional and it really put a lot of things into perspective for me. Last year I had a blog called working mommy, a little bit of what I did and how it balances out but honestly I’m definitely taking a break from work because missing Jaden‘s birthday really made me sad. He’s completely forgotten about it but I haven’t forgotten about it in my soul and that’s why in my title for this blog is what it is.

you can’t get these moments back and making memories with my children is the most important thing to me amongst other things. If that means I have to put work on hold to be there… be present and make sure I don’t miss more moments, then so be it. I’ve already spoken to papa bear about how I feel and he completely understands and I know that he will always take care of us… He always has and always will.

I just wanted something for my own and I think it’s important for women to always have something of their own no matter what it is but when it comes down to my children, they absolutely come first.

The way I look at it is, so long as I haven’t burned any of the bridges of what I do then I’m perfectly fine with spending time with my children. I am a real hands-on mom. Even my daughter, she’s growing so beautifully and she is coming into her own and she too is intelligent and I want to be there for every single second of it even with the mommy moments that we all get of “I need a break.”

I might’ve lost sight a little bit… I know in life we have to do what we have to do. Me working was not in vain because it was for my children but again missing my son‘s birthday just change the perspective of a lot of things as I said.

Mommy loves you so much buddy and I know he’s forgotten but I just need a little bit more time to forgive myself.